Our funny cupboard
January 8, 2013

crackerjokes

Our funny cupboard – home to the humble cracker joke
– collection includes Christmas, Easter and Halloween cracker jokes –

Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?
A: Bacon would go up.

Q: What award goes to designers of door knockers?
A: A No Bell Prize.

Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A: Do-you-think-he-saw-us.

Q: Where are the Andes?
A: On the end of your armies.

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggsercise.

Q: What do cannibals eat at parties?
A: Swallow my leader.

Q: What do you call a cow that plays a guitar?
A: A moo-sician.

Q: What did Cinderella say when the chemist lost her photographs?
A: Someday my prints will come.

Q: What lies in a pram and wobbles?
A: A jelly baby.

Q: What do you call a man with custard in one ear and jelly in the other?
A: A trifle deaf.

Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
A: With a hare dryer.

Q: What do ducks have for lunch?
A: Soup and quackers.

Q: What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A: A Pine-apple.

Q: Why was the rabbit rubbing his head?
A: Because he had an eggache.

Q: What did one egg say to the other?
A: Heard any good yolks lately?

Q: What’s the time when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to buy a new fence.

Q: What is the biggest ant?
A: An elephant.

A Christmas dream
November 21, 2012

D: I dreamed about Christmas last night!

Me: Did you? What happened in your dream?

D: I was all cosy in my bed, and I woke up, and there was a tree with some presents upstairs and another tree with some presents downstairs. I looked ALL around upstairs, but I couldn’t find a present for me – then I went downstairs, where there was a BEAUTIFUL gold present for me!

Me: Wow. Where were you in this dream?

D: I was at Auntie Vicky and Uncle Ian’s, and my dad was there.

Me: Strange. Was it a big present or a small present that you found?

D: It was a big present, with beautiful gold wrapping!

A magic talking stone
August 29, 2012

Leaving present for Miss Stokes, Mar 2012

How to have the last word with your teacher who’s leaving and whose last set of ‘challenges’ included: “Remember to take turns when talking and listen to others” – make her a leaving present and call it “a magic talking stone”!

Where am I?
August 26, 2012

D: You know in this picture, where Auntie Vicky and Uncle Ian fell in love and got married?
Me: Well they fell in love before and that picture was taken when they got married afterwards – but yes?
D: Where was I?
Me: You weren’t here yet.
D: Did the boy and the girl still have to make the present?
Me: Yes.
D: When the baby gets in, does it go “Huh? Where am I? Huh? I might be in a lost cave.” Because your belly’s like a cave?
Me: Probably.
D: Do boys get babies?
Me: No.
D: Why?
Me: Because boys don’t have a space in their bodies for a baby to grow.
D: Not even their brain?
Me: No.
D: Not even their creepy skeleton?
Me: No.
D: Not even their muscles?
Me: No.
D: Not even their teeth?
Me: No.

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